update2010.txt

UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A copy of the 2010 University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt List. [1 point]' WHERE item_id=1;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A copy of the [redacted] 2009 University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt List. [09 points]' WHERE item_id=2;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description=' A gingerbread sawmill, powered by a functional milkwheel. Must cut chocolate with its candy blade. [25 points]' WHERE item_id=3;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Hannah 20:1 - I say unto you: Therefore go and make disciples of all the hipstery holdouts, baptizing them in the name of fun, friends and dancing. By putting our favorite girl-pop tracks on homemade vinyl, we may trick even those with the tightest jeans into moving their hips like yeaaaaah. [23 points]' WHERE item_id=4;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Make a plasma ball out of a Mason jar. [40 points]' WHERE item_id=5;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='If you want to stay on the scene like a Sex Machine, you\'d better come equipped with his weapon of choice-only it fires Buncha Crunch buckshot. [10 points]' WHERE item_id=6;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='You\'re always bitching that you could write the List better than we can. Well, here\'s our template. You filled in the blanks at List Release, so you should have no reason to complain about our poor choice of items. [10 points] \n-	Scav Hunt?  More like Scav [cunt]!  \n-	We\'ve all seen [Mean Girls], but we haven\'t seen a gigantic [fungus]. Points per [torr]. \n-	Remember when we said we wouldn\'t send you to [Boystown]?  Just kidding, you\'re totally going there. \n-	Bring us back a [penis]. You know the one we want. \n-	Put on [indigo] lipstick and give Mike Royko a memorial that will send him spinning in his grave. Afterward, pine for our loss over a Chicago-style hot dog from Superdawg, whilst clutching a dead [dugong] to your breast. It\'s a tradition!  \n-	You can certainly make a sweet-ass [panda], but can you make a a sweet ass- [panda]?  WITH. YOUR. ASS. Bonus points if it [fucks].' WHERE item_id=7;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Alright, let\'s not pretend this isn\'t what any manly competition is actually about. Biggest penis. Points per inch. Bring it to Harper 125 at 4:30 pm on Saturday. [5 points per inch; 4, 2, and 1 bonus points for 1.5exst through 3.5exrd places]' WHERE item_id=8;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description=' unicorn in a bicorn. A bicorn in a tricorn. [1+2+2+3 points' WHERE item_id=9;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Job globe. When shaken, biblical tragedies occur. Why, God, why? !  [9 points]' WHERE item_id=10;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Klingon. Apply directly to the forehead. [Deep Space 9 points]' WHERE item_id=11;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Bribe a certain alderwoman with candy for a signed permit to build item . Exchange must literally go on under the table. I\'m sure she\'ll allow you to take a photo if you say it\'s for a Judge. [10 points]' WHERE item_id=12;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Roll around with puppies. [2 points per puppy in excess of ten, simultaneously]' WHERE item_id=13;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Tornado gun!  Must be able to create and maintain a vortex of either flour or confectioner\'s sugar. [34 points]' WHERE item_id=14;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Corpore sano in Men\'s Sauna. [2 points]' WHERE item_id=15;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='The elevator speech presenting your latest wind-breaking research in asstrophysics. [1 point]' WHERE item_id=16;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Feed your Tamagotchi. To a woodchipper. Then get a team member to throw something else we hate into a volcano. DESTROOOOY!  [4 points; 26 points' WHERE item_id=17;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='What do you use to wash down a whole can of macadamia nuts with SPAM.5exTM Classic flavor?  Nothing. Absolutely nothing. [12 points]' WHERE item_id=18;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='True love. [20 points]' WHERE item_id=19;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='The MacGyver Challenge: Using nothing other than $10 worth of unlikely goods from a local dollar store and your Swiss Army knife, create a device that will (1) create a 15-45 second delayed guard distraction, (2) serve as a pH meter (+/- 1 unit accuracy), (3) double as quick-setting epoxy, or (4) emit or jam an AM or FM radio signal. [(20-X) points, where X is the cost of the materials in your device as confirmed by receipt]' WHERE item_id=20;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A door. A bull. [2 points' WHERE item_id=21;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Near the center of Loyola\'s campus, high-five Jesus, low-five Mary, and too-slow the Holy Ghost. [7 points]' WHERE item_id=22;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Fanfic of such innocent creepiness as to win the approval of Ulli Haarburste, and thus the Judges\' hearts. [9 points' WHERE item_id=23;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='That train is looking pretty grimy. Do me a favor and ride it through a drive-through trainwash. [12 points' WHERE item_id=24;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A team member wearing six pieces of clothing, each bearing labels indicating a different continent of origin. [8 points]' WHERE item_id=25;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='You came for the necromancy, but you\'ll stay for the mentalism. At the American Museum of Magic, Thriller J checks out the levitating woman, Uncle Vinnie finds the most masculine cookbook ever, and Skeletor covets Robert-Houdin\'s magic wand. The Accidental Mummy wonders, \"Where do the ducks go? \" [13 points]' WHERE item_id=26;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A picture of you standing on a cobblestone road in the Chicago Loop. [6 points' WHERE item_id=27;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='\"It was A LOW, DULL, QUICK SOUND-MUCH SUCH A SOUND AS A WATCH MAKES WHEN ENVELOPED IN COTTON.\" Lub-dub your heart to pump some blood in the DCAM, room 5G, from 8 am to 4 pm, Monday through Friday. Be singularly at ease, and eat and drink well before donating, lest your head ache and you fancy a ringing in your ears. [[epsilon] points, based on actual blood donations]' WHERE item_id=28;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Whether it be wine, beer, or spirits, I am told there is a perfect drink for every occasion. That\'s great news because I\'m looking for a non-alcoholic beverage that would be just right for someone who has swum, run, and biked their way from Havana to Miami. [7 points' WHERE item_id=29;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A certificate of stock older than you. [ points]' WHERE item_id=30;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A collegiate or professional sports team\'s pre-game video introduction even more extreme than that of the 2007-08 UAF Nanooks. Note: The pre-game video introduction for the 2009-10 UAF Nanooks, though clearly satisfying the requirements of this item, will not earn you any points. [12 points]' WHERE item_id=31;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Follow in the footsteps of Ralph Walbro Emerson and Henry David Thobreau: write us some transcendentalist broetry or brose. [8 points' WHERE item_id=32;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description=' \nO CAPTAINS!  my Captains!  your fearful trip begun; \nThe teams have weather\'d List Release, the List you sought was won;\nThe clues are strange, Judges deranged, the people all exulting,\nYet wonder rocks your steady keel: just what will you be wearing? \nHere Captains!  dear Captains! \nYour costumes suit your role;\nYou\'ll moralize and crunchatize\nIn outfits grim and droll.\nUsing the number found on your original List, consult item  to determine what captain your Captains will captain. [a points]' WHERE item_id=33;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Arrive at Judgment Day in Chicago Taxi #N. [(21-N) points, where N is the number of the unique taxi you have arrived in' WHERE item_id=34;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Extreme Ironing?  We\'re not quite ready for the domestic life. How about Extreme Partial Differentiation?  [ points, where ]' WHERE item_id=35;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Gimme gimme gimme a ham after midnight. But before sunrise on Thursday. Piping hot, freshly baked, fully glazed, bone-in. Deliver to 5474 S. Harper Ave.; call (415) 680-5015 at the gate. [40 points]' WHERE item_id=36;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A single piece of the precious ivory. [3 points per pound, 30 pounds max]' WHERE item_id=37;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Starting between University and Woodlawn at noon on Friday, Handwalk Across the Midway. [15 points' WHERE item_id=38;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A handmade gourd lamp carved with the glowing face of an appropriate Hockey Hall of Famer, Sesame Street character, Sodor engine, or Eltarian wizard. [16 points' WHERE item_id=39;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Trinitite. [\'45 points' WHERE item_id=40;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Repaint a Roger Dean album cover in the style of Patrick Nagel, and vice versa. Must be an actual LP cover. [12 points each' WHERE item_id=41;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Maybe we wouldn\'t be the school \"where the squirrels are more aggressive than the guys\" if we had more diurnal raptors around. Get a fully-trained NAFA member to show his stuff on campus. [37 points]' WHERE item_id=42;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A two-headed planarian. [20 points' WHERE item_id=43;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Hello Kitty striptease?  M?bius dildo?  Taking a cue from innumerable Judge applications past, this year we\'re just going to put all the previous Lists into a blender and see what comes out. [?  points]' WHERE item_id=44;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Using microdissection tools and no small amount of abbatoir savvy, demonstrate the removal of the major cuts of pork from a Pink Pearl eraser-pig, one side British-style and the other American. [29 points for (1) the cuts, (2) an intact, marked pig illustrating the cuts, and (3) a time-lapse video showing how you got from one to the other' WHERE item_id=45;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='If your goat\'s erection lasts longer than six hours, please contact an arsonist. [10 points. 100 bonus points if Nicolas Cage is inside at the time]' WHERE item_id=46;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Know your nickernuts from naticids?  Beachcomber\'s delight: show us your finest sea shell, sea glass, and sea bean. [5 points each, 20 bonus points for Shard of the Year]' WHERE item_id=47;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Only one snack can tide you over while you\'re waiting on turducken: the hodonkie. [4 points, 2 bonus points for the dreaded hodonkodile' WHERE item_id=48;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Ballistic press-on nails: fingernails that can be fired from your hands to vaguely annoy attackers!  [5 points]' WHERE item_id=49;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Floriography, motherfucker-do you speak it?  A Judge will make his feelings known to you on Thursday, but as a direct public response would be ever-so-gauche, reply with tussie-mussies at the Masque on Friday. Should your response properly charm, you should contact him further through hanakotoba at Judgment. [14 points on Friday, 16 points at Judgment]' WHERE item_id=50;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A pi?ata that, when cracked open, disgorges a litter of unborn baby pi?atas. Within the fetal pi?atas?  Broken dreams...and candy!  [27 points]' WHERE item_id=51;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Construct a campus batbox. [6 points, 16 points if it contains live bats by Judgment. Also, you must beatbox by the batbox' WHERE item_id=52;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Mix tracks from one or more of the real-world namesakes of the Koopalings over their respective world themes. It better make them Troopas dance. [8 points each, max three]' WHERE item_id=53;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='They say a pizza ain\'t a funnel, I say bullshit to that!  [2p points]' WHERE item_id=54;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='This ain\'t no party, this ain\'t no disco. Except David Byrne was wrong and that is exactly what this is. Roller skates. Partners. Dance-off. Thursday at 8:30 pm in Hutch Courtyard. We\'re gonna turn this Mother\'s Day out. [d points' WHERE item_id=55;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Bioluminesce. [13 points' WHERE item_id=56;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A colossally abundant number of chocolate chip cookies, served by an untouchable number of people with a deficient number of limbs. [An almost perfect odd number of points]' WHERE item_id=57;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Play Trouble.5exTM in Troublemakers Park. Play \"Trouble\" in Troublemakers Park. Make trouble in Troublemakers Park. [9 points' WHERE item_id=58;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Some Ivy League schools, like Harvard and Penn, have a statue of their founder in a prominent location on campus. By day, tour guides tell visitors it\'s good luck to kiss or sit on the statue; by night, students pee on it. I just know the University of Chicago can one-up those Ivy Leaguers. Turn a urinal somewhere on campus into the William Rainey Harper Monument and Urinal. [18 points]' WHERE item_id=59;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='What was the most beautiful act of Baffles the Flower King?  [4 points' WHERE item_id=60;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Even the ghastliest maws deserve a nice dinner every now and then. At 7 pm on Saturday, eX Libris will be host to an exquisite repast prepared by your most talented chefs. The meal will begin with an exercise in preservation that would make Ma Ingalls squirm with barely-restrained Pioneer glee. In preparing the components of your appetizer, you should employ at least two of the following techniques: smoking, pickling, or sugaring. The entree will feature a secret ingredient, the identity of which will be revealed at Captains\' Phantasmagoria. Finally, we Judges have been looking a bit scrawny lately, so your dessert should be lip-smackingly loaded with at least four distinct protein-rich ingredients to beef us up for beach season. [x points]' WHERE item_id=61;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Around the corner from the Magicians\' Lair, the Macabre Mob stares in confusion at J.C. rappin\' with Cousin Itt and the youth. [5 points]' WHERE item_id=62;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Visit the grave of the only European sovereign buried in America and pick up a calendar at the neighboring church. [12 points]' WHERE item_id=63;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Zeno\'s Pair-o\'-Dicks. Wigner\'s Friend with Benefits. Buridan\'s Ass. Create your own porn adaptation of a famous thought experiment or philosophical problem and show us the opening scenes. [11 points]' WHERE item_id=64;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='I can\'t understand all your highfalutin\' talk!  Overset a two-leaf spread in the latest outgiven of Cosmopolitan into Anglish for me. [8 points' WHERE item_id=65;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='An heir to a throne. [(100-X) points, where X is your heir\'s place in the line of succession to the throne of an independent, currently-existing country. Half points if that country is not currently a monarchy]' WHERE item_id=66;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Ludacris hints that she\'s a freak in the bed, but all Loyola knows for certain is that she\'s a Lady in the Street. [5 points' WHERE item_id=67;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='To understand how Mr. Chicken died, you have to understand how Mr. Chicken lived. After losing his legs to frostbite, he was outfitted with prosthetics by a kindly veterinarian. But did he give up?  Only after he was mauled to death by a bear some months later. Pay your respects at the Crossroads Animal Hospital in Jackson, MI. The Accidental Mummy wonders, \"Where do the clucks go? \" [8 points]' WHERE item_id=68;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='An orange \"Chicago 2016 Countdown\" shirt from Daley Plaza. [5 points]' WHERE item_id=69;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Proof that you have partied with Party Steve. [4 points' WHERE item_id=70;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Where do the bucks go?  The Accidental Mummy is delighted by the White Tail Hall of Fame. Vince reaches out, longing to touch the antlers, Skeletor nods approvingly at the sled built by German POWs, and Mikey Jackson finds something oddly familiar in how the \"live\" deer shuffle toward him. [9 points]' WHERE item_id=71;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Bring me a magazine that can satisfy my curiosity about Todd Stroger\'s general well-being and teach me how to make a mean orange crab salad. But it better cost under $25,000!  [24.999 points' WHERE item_id=72;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Attention all arch-welders with arc welders!  Summoning all soot-saturated steam-smiths!  Grab hold of your monocles, for I hereby commission an Engine of Industry!  This mechanical marvel must harness the peerless power of hot water vapour in rolling locomotion throughout my poorly-designed coal mine, where the shafts are about 12 inches wide and allow passage of nothing longer than 18 inches, for I am an eccentric millionaire. You may select your own materials, so long as you esteemed engineers ensure each Engine embodies endless endurance, encapsulating the eternal essence of our exciting era. [100 points] ?' WHERE item_id=73;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A roentgenogram depicting the ingestion or insertion of something that will gross us out or make us giggle, dated pre-Scav 2010. If you give me anything less than the real film you\'ll require such an X-ray after Judgment. [13 points' WHERE item_id=74;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Antonius Stradivarius Cremonensis Faciebat Anno 1660-1720. On campus. [90 points for a violin, 125 points for a cello, 150 points for a viola]' WHERE item_id=75;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='When I grow up, I\'m going to Bovine University!  Since you\'re grown up, you\'ll need a sizzling-hot diploma made entirely out of beef. [9 points' WHERE item_id=76;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A pair of wearable, edible, vegan, assless chaps. [15 points]' WHERE item_id=77;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Too often, students must choose between a sick party and a night of Regenstein-induced stupor. Facilitate a Regvolution from study space to party place: make a fully-functional flask out of a free book from the Reg. [8 points]' WHERE item_id=78;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='It\'s Scav Inger Hunt\'s 23.5exrd birthday, and 99.9% of mohawked baby carrot judges agree: I WANT SPRINKLES. Craft a thoughtfully artistic, yet still scavvly commemorative cake, and it better be purdy enough to be featured as a Cakewrecks Scavday Sweet. Under Neat That: submit a photo of your Wreck by Friday at 10 pm to mywreck@cakewrecks.com, and we\'ll let Jen pick the one destined for internet fame. [25 points for bringing your intact, edible confection to the Reynolds Club South Lounge at 10:00 am on Saturday and 10 points for becoming the one true Wreckerator]' WHERE item_id=79;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Vegemite iSnack 2.0.5exTM. [8.0 cheesypoints]' WHERE item_id=80;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='True composers seek art in the everyday and inspiration in the sounds of their surroundings. Since my everyday is the Internet, and my surroundings pretty much only the mid- to late-\'90s, I\'ll need you to write and perform an operatic aria to the tune of that godawful dial-up internet sound. [14.4 points]' WHERE item_id=81;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Alright, nerds, time to get your trivia on. It\'s a Simpsons, Star Wars, and firefly trivia contest!  Send up to two trivia experts to the Reynolds Club South Lounge on Thursday at 3 pm, and we\'ll see whose brains are properly geeked. [s points]' WHERE item_id=82;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Gargoyle Nutz.5exTM: The Ultimate Gargoyle Accessory. Perfect for gargoyles, sculptures, busts, even grotesques!  Ensure that your team\'s pendulous pair hangs visibly somewhere on campus for the duration of the Hunt. [3 points]' WHERE item_id=83;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Balloon animals are for those clowns in the social sciences!  I want a balloon protein, one that both represents your chosen protein\'s tertiary/quaternary structure and actively demonstrates its native function. Like a real protein, your structure should be sufficiently complex and, most importantly, do something cool (none of that occludin-b bullshit). [50 points]' WHERE item_id=84;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Snap a picture of the Boo Crew underneath the world\'s largest pulley. [6 points]' WHERE item_id=85;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='You Found The Secret Drawer!  [4 points' WHERE item_id=86;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='An authentic University of Chicago letterman\'s sweater. [16 points' WHERE item_id=87;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='We won\'t know if Jay-Z Smith\'s new release is the hit song of the summer until we hear it. [12 points]' WHERE item_id=88;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Ride the rails with the roving little Jollyball and see the sights of the country of your choice. Jollyball displays should be no more than 36 square feet in area. No points will be awarded for choosing Switzerland unless you bring the device from the MSI to Judgment. [150 points] ' WHERE item_id=89;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='TBA' WHERE item_id=90;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Darkness falls across the land, though the hour of dawn is already at hand, and creatures ride in search of blood, to terrorize y\'alls neighborhood. At 8:00 am on Thursday in front of the Reynolds Club, the Macabre Mob convenes to begin their journey toward the eerie East and seek out its most shuddersome sights. The mustachioed impresario Vincent Price is accompanied by his three traveling terrors: Michael \"Thriller\" Jackson, the zombie King of Pop; Skeletor, the warlock tyrant of Eternia; and The Accidental Mummy, a clumsy corpse straight out of his snakebit sarcophagus. No car costume will be required, but we do expect to see an appropriately hair-raising ornament hanging from the rear-view mirror. [z points]' WHERE item_id=91;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='An abstract statue that casts a shadow of your team logo at noon on Judgment Sunday. [75 points] ' WHERE item_id=92;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='While inflating a flat tire along I-94, Skeletor accidentally enlarges it to world-record size. [6 points]' WHERE item_id=93;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='U-.2667em .5exo-.125em.4exf-.125em C-themed tarot cards. They may draw on Scav imagery, and I will expect an accurate reading of my fortune at Judgment. [20 points]' WHERE item_id=94;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A Dr. Jekyll of Hyde Park. [7 points' WHERE item_id=95;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='I\'ve always wondered what it\'s like to be a kitten being petted. They seem so happy and content. I\'ve tried having friends and even strangers stroke my back, but it\'s just not the same. Maybe that\'s because for a kitten, the hand petting it is as big as its entire body... [20 points]' WHERE item_id=96;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='I\'ve always wanted to be small enough to play on a cat tree. But I think that, all along, what I really wanted was a human tree... [50 points]' WHERE item_id=97;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='CondomMents-give her a pickle she can really relish. [3 points' WHERE item_id=98;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='oalas aren\'t bears, so why do we call them koala bears?  Why don\'t we call them koala monsters, like the gila monster, or Cookie Monster?  Someone should really get on this. [14 points]' WHERE item_id=99;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Where\'s a Zubor?  [3 points]' WHERE item_id=100;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Nuka-Cola Quantum. [3 points]' WHERE item_id=101;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='In the Duct Tape Capital of the World, Vincent just has to ask a few locals how duct tape has positively affected their lives. [14 points' WHERE item_id=102;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A handcrafted ten-page pop-up book which, at some point during the narrative, punches its reader in the face. [26 points]' WHERE item_id=103;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='The Accidental Mummy puts an eye out in front of the A Christmas Story house. [4 points]' WHERE item_id=104;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A commercially published book in which the page numbers listed in the table of contents are inaccurate. [9 points]' WHERE item_id=105;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Internaut Ice Cream. [6 points]' WHERE item_id=106;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='In 1907, a chance association with the Ashtabula Horror was enough to transfigure Case Western Reserve University into a depraved perversion of the U-.2667em .5exo-.125em.4exf-.125em C campus. From the steps of the Bizarro Reynolds Club, formerly Amasa Stone Chapel, the Phantasmal Four stare in confusion at Bizzaro Pierce and Bizarro Rockefeller. Inside, an informative pamphlet explains why they\'re standing in something of a deathly hallow. [9 points]' WHERE item_id=107;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='In 1908, drawn to Case Western\'s strange energies, a dark power took roost in the Law School. In an attempt to curry favor, Skeletor prepares The Accidental Mummy for sacrifice atop the low ziggurat across the street, Vincent Price summons unholy spirits within \"Turning Points\" (1996), and Michael \"Thriller\" Jackson gives a performance inside a non-Euclidean bandshell.' WHERE item_id=108;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='By 1909, our fragile world could no longer contain the eldritch forces at work in Case Western Reserve. A transdimensional portal opened up next to one of the Dark One\'s putrid towers. The town elders came together to bravely seal the rift, renaming the city \'Cleave-Land\' and rededicating the portal as the Cancer Survivor\'s Memorial Plaza. Thriller J hugs the poor girl still trapped in the portal, frozen for all time. [7 points]' WHERE item_id=109;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='The stuff dreams are made of. Do not conflate with item . [7 points' WHERE item_id=110;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Near the southern corner of the Ashtabula County Medical Center, the Macabre Mob finds a marker commemorating the Ashtabula Horror. [5 points]' WHERE item_id=111;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='According to the audio guide in the garden in front of the Ashtabula County Medical Center, water wouldn\'t have helped put out the fires of the Ashtabula Horror But what could it have done?  Why did one Wisconsin woman brace herself?  What did Engine No. 1\'s headlights eerily illuminate?  [10 points' WHERE item_id=112;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Christian Louboutins might scream sexy, but I want shoes that literally scream sexy with each step. [14 points' WHERE item_id=113;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='I\'ve been working on a new product that\'s designed to give you and other men new confidence!  I\'m talking about my new pubic hair stencils for men. Just shave one of my stylish designs into your pubic hair and watch the ladies become intrigued!  While some chicks might go for a simple downward-pointing arrow, classy broads want an artiste who can transform his jungle into an intricate topiary. [V points]' WHERE item_id=114;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='The Choco Taco deceived me into thinking my icy treat would contain all the flavors of Estados Unidos Mexicanos when all it really contained was sweet, creamy disappointment. Less choco, more taco!  Bring me a waffle taco shell filled with scoops of ice cream for each major element-beans, meat, and all. [Diecisiete puntos]' WHERE item_id=115;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Get your toes done up with your fingernails matchin\'. Time to get yo\' nails did with some Chicago-themed stereoscopic nail art. [10 points' WHERE item_id=116;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='An illustrated Canadian Kama Sutra. One act per province. But nothing from the territories, you pervert. [18 points]' WHERE item_id=117;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Unboil an egg. [One dozen points' WHERE item_id=118;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='When I was a child, I doodled in ChemDraw, arranging p-orbitals into delicate butterflies. As I have grown, so have my skills at connecting carbon atoms like dots to form a microscopic view of life. But my tastes have also grown, and I want something more than daisies-I want to see a biological metamorphosis on a more macroscopic scale, using the same microscopic medium. With the addition of a single reagent, bonds change, kids grow up, and little caterpillars turn into swallowtails. All bonding must be in proper valence. Show arrow pushing. [2+6+10+14 points]' WHERE item_id=119;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A surgical kit. A wooden-handled chisel. Field glasses. An Underwood portable typewriter. Zinc oxide tape. Hydrochloric acid. My Blessed Little Pal. [19 points]' WHERE item_id=120;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Irish car bombs are disgusting. Who wants a drink that curdles?  Bring me a room-temperature solid that liquifies into boozy delight with an additional shot.  [10 points]' WHERE item_id=121;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Place a cloth napkin over your head to hide your cruelty from the sight of God. Put the whole bird into your mouth, with only the beak protruding from your lips. Bite. Put the beak on your plate and begin chewing, gently. You will taste three things: First, the sweetness of the flesh and fat. This is God. Then, the bitterness of the guts will begin to overwhelm you. This is the suffering of Jesus. Finally, as your teeth break the small, delicate bones and they begin to lacerate your gums, you will taste the salt of your own blood, mingling with the richness of the fat and the bitterness of the organs. This is the Holy Spirit, the mystery of the Trinity-three united as one. It is cruel. And beautiful. Send your bravest gastronome to the entrance of Bond Chapel at 7:45 pm on Friday with napkin in hand. [g points]' WHERE item_id=122;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Studies have estimated that every human body contains two to five pounds of bacteria. We want just one pound, pure. [16 points' WHERE item_id=123;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Whenever I get a gift in nested boxes, opening each diminishing box makes my hopes diminish as well. Wouldn\'t it be great to have my hopes increase with successive boxes, each larger than the previous?  Four box minimum. [30 points, 10 bonus points for a final gift larger than the original packaging]' WHERE item_id=124;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='You\'re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind: Binghamton, NY. In the Forum Theatre, Skeletor makes his screenplay pitch to the bust of Rod Serling. [7 points' WHERE item_id=125;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A single emoticon which expresses the feeling upon finding out that your mother has been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, which you do not consider to be a real medical condition, though you genuinely love your mother and believe she suffers pain, but you also suspect that it is the result of a long-term opiate addiction. Up to four characters. [4 points]' WHERE item_id=126;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Since you\'ve got such an extraordinary head of hair, you should do something extraordinary with it. Make a Nagi Noda critter from rooted human hair. [25 points' WHERE item_id=127;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Can\'t muster the hair to serve as a critter?  How about a critter to serve as hair?  A bald man wearing a toup?e which also happens to be a live mammal. Toup?es will be evaluated on realism and believability. [5 points]' WHERE item_id=128;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Dogs Playing Dungeons and Dragons. 2010. Acrylic on velvet. Judgment Day, University of Chicago. [18 points' WHERE item_id=129;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Scavvy\'s Delight!  Your team is the best above the rest, so let the world know with a music video in which your captains extol the virtues of your team and defend themselves from the allegations of other suckah MCs. Said video should be easily placed within the period between 1988 and 1996; for stylistic reference, please see such seminal works as Will Smith\'s \"Ring My Bell\", LL Cool J\'s \"Ain\'t Nobody\", and Naughty By Nature\'s \"O.P.P.\". [15 points' WHERE item_id=130;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='The longest possible unbroken strip of orange peel. [0.5 points per inch over 48]' WHERE item_id=131;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='At some event during the Hunt, one of your unsuspecting team members is devoured by a giant man-eating clam. After the Scavvy has disappeared completely into its horrible maw, the clam should belch loudly and produce a giant pearl. [16 points]' WHERE item_id=132;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Look, Maria, this is ScavHunt. While I\'d love to spend a whole day frolicking through the Alps with you and the von Trapp children, I simply don\'t have the time. You\'re going to have to take your Do-Re-Mi and speed it up. A lot. Start at the very beginning (a very good place to start) and perform the entire number as fast as you can, including as much of the appropriate choreography as possible-the carriage ride, skipping gaily about the fountain, step-jumping, etc. Make sure that all seven children are wearing the play-clothes you made from those tatty old curtains. All performances must be live. [1.6 points per 10 seconds under 5 minutes]' WHERE item_id=133;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='The Dickbee.5exTM is a penile plethysmograph that tweets when a penis achieves erection!  Now you can share your awkward classroom boners with family and friends around the world. Call now to purchase for just three easy payments of $29.99!  [8 points' WHERE item_id=134;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='The birthmark which shows you were born to rule, and a hoary batshit wizard to tell me the story that proves it. [4 points]' WHERE item_id=135;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='An unopened box of Mallomars. [8 points]' WHERE item_id=136;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Why are there so many Jedi at Celtic Fest?  Provide video evidence of the Council touring the Celtic festivities, interacting with the Celtic natives, and dealing with any Sith riff-raff that attempt to spoil their Celtic fun. [10 points]' WHERE item_id=137;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Perform a Benihana-caliber teppanyaki routine on your antigriddle. [16 points]' WHERE item_id=138;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='The Hotdoggers are a proud people, with ambassadors, an educational system, a national anthem, and even a stance on the United States Armed Forces. Let\'s be frank: who doesn\'t wish they were one of them?  Perform an (all)natural(beef)ization ceremony in which at least three of your wiener-wannabees are made full citizens of Oscartown, making sure that each takes the oath with all the relish he or she can mustard. [12 points. 20 bonus points if the ceremony is performed by a geniuwiener ambassador of the Wiener Nation. 20 bonus points if a band of Wienerwhistles (and a lone tuba) plays the anthem as the newly condiminted citizens are driven away in one of the national limousines (make sure they take the scenic kraut). 20 bonus points if the Judges get to meat President Frank E. Furter in the flesh]' WHERE item_id=139;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A unicornskin rug. Luxurious!  [8 points]' WHERE item_id=140;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='\"With a horrible, hissing, sucking sound, it splashed in a curving arc straight across the street, crushing everything and everybody in its path\". Commemorate the Great Boston Molasses Tragedy of 1919 with a scale recreation/reenactment of the disastrous Molassacre. [19.19 points]' WHERE item_id=141;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='What do you mean the University of Chicago doesn\'t have the world\'s largest kazoo anymore?  Well why the hell not?  MAKE ME BIG BOBBY. [43 points]' WHERE item_id=142;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='The Family of the Damned is probably ready to leave Ashtabula, but before they do they must visit the mass grave and memorial recognizing the unrecognizable dead of the Ashtabula Horror. To prove you were there, take a photo of your bravest team member next to the marker. [25 points' WHERE item_id=143;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Having spent hours in the Crerar, I often have this urge to strap on a big silver fin and move slowly through the low bookcases, humming the Jaws theme song. Perhaps you share my fantasy. Lead a cartilaginous shiver to converge upon a studying student. [10 points]' WHERE item_id=144;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Where was oil first discovered in America?  That\'s right, Cuba!  Conveniently located on a French and Indian War battleground, the oily spring water is reputed to have healing powers that Skeletor is hesitant to test. [7 points' WHERE item_id=145;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Man or woman?  Provide a published obituary photograph that really makes us wonder. [4 points]' WHERE item_id=146;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A tampon that looks like Lady Gaga. [4 points]' WHERE item_id=147;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='For our money, the best food in Cuba is Arnetta\'s Kitchen, in Hinsdale, NY. Say hello to Tammy and be sure to note the pin-up of the Celebrity of the Millennium. [9 points]' WHERE item_id=148;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='\"I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the Flame of Anor. The dark fire will not avail you, Flame of Ud?n! \' Go back to the Shadow! \" Convince one of your professors to dress up as Gandalf and bellow, \"You shall not pass! \" This must be done on the Bridge of Khazad-D?m, also known as Botany Pond. Also, you are dressed as a Balrog. [12 points]' WHERE item_id=149;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='$11.90 to see the World\'s Largest Paperweight in Corning, NY?  That\'s the real Ashtabula Horror. [0 points]' WHERE item_id=150;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='The Boo Crew gains their wings with a spin through the National Soaring Museum. What was the first plane sold by the Schweizers?  According to the WWII glider, when do they cheer?  Who signed the guest book on 4/24 at 2:34 pm?  [7 points]' WHERE item_id=151;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='\"Food lovers and gun lovers have a ton of things in common, maybe for the food lover it\'s seeking out that crazy fish you kind of know you\'re not supposed to eat, while for the gun lover it\'s killing that animal that might be considered kind of borderline endangered\". The gift that proves \"this partnership is a no-brainer\". [28 points]' WHERE item_id=152;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Rumors of Mr. Twain\'s death have been mostly on the mark-until now!  Thriller J does what he does best in an attempt to raise Twain while Vincent Price narrates. [12 points, bonus points if a funky army of the damned rise from their graves to join in]' WHERE item_id=153;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='I always thought that the stories of giant foam monsters coming to reclaim their giant foam fingers were just old wives\' tales meant to scare misbehaving sports fans-that is, until I saw what happened to that Scavvy cheering on the sidelines at this year\'s Scav Olympics. I will never claim to be #1 again. [21 points]' WHERE item_id=154;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='They say it went extinct over a century ago, but at a memorial in Elmira the Ghoulish Gang can have their photo taken with the last Labrador Duck in New York. The Accidental Mummy maintains its curiosity. [6 points]' WHERE item_id=155;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='On the Binghamton Sidewalk of Stars, which two shine the brightest?  [3 points]' WHERE item_id=156;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Four standing teammates form the noble steed. Atop them perches your player in his howdah, mallet in hand. You are now ready for a game of Human Elephant Polo at 4 pm on Thursday, on the Midway between University and Woodlawn. [f points]' WHERE item_id=157;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Scranton!  The Electric City!  Skeletor laughs at Christopher Columbus, who has mistaken Rite-Aid for Africa. Nearby, Action Jackson shoots his sixteen-pound load at Love in front of the Lackawanna County Courthouse. Vincent\'s head literally spins when he sees the bust and ashes of The Exorcist\'s young priest. The Accidental Mummy mourns the death of Christmas at the hands of Ukrainians in 1988. [12 points' WHERE item_id=158;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='It\'s hot, smelly, itchy, in your mouth and around your skull. A member of your team proudly wearing the headgear he or she had to wear as a child and the photos to prove a youth full of awkward misery. [15 points, 2 bonus points if it\'s your class photo]' WHERE item_id=159;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='While in Scranton, make a \"that\'s what she said\" joke, play a prank, promote yourself to assistant regional manager, and speak directly to the camera. But be quick, we have to be in the conference room in five minutes. [10 points' WHERE item_id=160;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='May 7, 2010, 10:30 pm. A foul wind tosses decayed leaves in my face with almost willful malevolence as I trudge toward the Chapel. Its soaring belltower, once proud, now seems craven, afraid of the unhallowed Mass it will soon host. The sagging gambrel roofs of the campus architectures likewise cower as we approach, their weathered walls and ruined faces a mockery of the pustules and pockmarks that cover my companions. Shunned by the campus, denied by the hospitals, we march onward, determined to revel in our grisly condition. Our masks may do little to conceal our Afflictions, but in a fit of gallows humour we have decorated them gaily, and will throw a Masque in our dying hours. Each family has appointed its most wretched specimen a Seed of Corruption, whom we venerate with savage glee; their twisted countenances defy description by even a madman such as myself. When the clock strikes midnight I expect we shall all be dead, but until then we shall dance as though to tire Death himself. [w points]' WHERE item_id=161;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='To facilitate the completion of item , have your best DJ make us a nine minute mix of gnarled and eldritch jams. We want to dance, but dance like madmen. Due by 8 pm on Friday to scavjams@gmail.com. [9 points' WHERE item_id=162;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='An argyle gargoyle-the perfect stuffed animal to keep you company in your lonely U-.2667em .5exo-.125em.4exf-.125em C bed. [7 points]' WHERE item_id=163;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='It\'s a roll-playing instrument, and it\'s not a piano. It\'s a player recorder that pipes three songs. [60 points]' WHERE item_id=164;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='An elementary school class photo of every active Judge. It\'s Mother\'s Day, so don\'t bug our parents. [4 points per photo]' WHERE item_id=165;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='To hear the hallowed halls of learning ring again with lovely notes of harmony and praise, I expect you to sing a University of Chicago song published before 1930. Be sure to sing it at an appropriate time and place, and I don\'t want to hear a song that\'s been performed on campus in the last five years. Please bring of a copy of the sheet music so I can follow along. [12 points' WHERE item_id=166;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Find the anima little girl in every lumberjack with a functioning my-little-unicorn-princess-hobby-horse with a chainsaw horn, and put it to good use chopping up some buttercups and rainbows. [25 points]' WHERE item_id=167;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Take the advice of Nash Co. and use their product for \"breaking the ice\" at the three social events they recommend, \"though you should never try to stuff one up your nose! \" [9 points]' WHERE item_id=168;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='How far from the Regenstein can you take a two-hour reserve book and return it before it\'s due?  Photo documentation of the location will be required-if I can\'t tell where you are it doesn\'t count. Meet me in the Reg at 10:30 am on Friday. No cars or motorcycles allowed. Provide full video footage of its transportation. Distance will be judged \"as the crow flies\". [1.5 points per mile]' WHERE item_id=169;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='In Fracksville, The Accidental Mummy wonders, \"Where do the fucks go? \" [1 point]' WHERE item_id=170;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Illinois Administrative Code. Title 8. Chapter I. Subchapter f. Part 220. Citizens of Illinois, fight the invaders!  Execute several legal eradications at Judgment. It shall be the duty of every team. No hybrids. [4 points per eradication, minimum four eradications]' WHERE item_id=171;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='In back of Granny\'s Motel in Fracksville, The Accidental Mummy clings to Skeletor, mirroring the incredibly creepy figures behind them. [4 points]' WHERE item_id=172;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='I would suggest Thursday 5-8, but whenever you go, tell me where I can find a crocodile chandelier (209-219), three little lizards (202-208), two artichokes (389-399), and a stag missing its shaft (131-134) and include their acquisition numbers. [16 points]' WHERE item_id=173;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='One of your team members, at Judgment, wearing a ticket-taker\'s cloak from the Chicago Lyric Opera. [28 points' WHERE item_id=174;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='The Judges are so busy during the Hunt that we often miss the chance to read the papers. That\'s why you should bring us the best crash blossom you can find during this year\'s Hunt in a print newspaper with circulation in excess of 100,000. [5 points]' WHERE item_id=175;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Along Ashland, PA\'s main drag, lonely Uncle Vinnie asks if Whistler\'s mother is single. \"Thriller?  I hardly knew her! \" [3 points' WHERE item_id=176;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Four nascent things. [8 points' WHERE item_id=177;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='2010: The Year ScavHunt Made Contact...with the future!  Prepare a lockbox that will serve as your team time capsule, to be displayed in the Scav trophy case until 2061: ScavHunt Odyssey 3. This box should contain: (1) messages to the future, (2) a food item you think will remain edible, (3) an object with receipt costing less than $10 that you think will gain the most value, and (4) a bottle of wine that you think will age well. Please note that half your points for this item will be awarded now and half by the cyborg Judge Cabal of the far-flung future to any remaining participating teams still active. You know, should the world survive 2012. [20.61 points now and 20.61 points (adjusted for inflation) in the future]' WHERE item_id=178;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A hollow-face illusion self-sculpture. [25 points]' WHERE item_id=179;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Film yourself with the U-.2667em .5exo-.125em.4exf-.125em C staff member with the lowest Bacon number. Collaborate with the U-.2667em .5exo-.125em.4exf-.125em C staff member with the lowest Erd?s number. Film yourself collaborating with the U-.2667em .5exo-.125em.4exf-.125em C staff member with the lowest (Bacon + Erd?s) number. [(4-X), (6-Y), and (10-Z) points, respectively]' WHERE item_id=180;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Butter that can cut through a hot knife. [11 points]' WHERE item_id=181;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A traditional Catalonian Auca depicting the 12 stages of UChicago student life. [12 stages of points]' WHERE item_id=182;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Your headquarters are already pretty okay, but we all know that a true enclave of heroism requires one particular item: a six foot tall penny. Or are you just a cowardly and superstitious lot?  [8 points]' WHERE item_id=183;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Start up a copy of Super Mario Brothers 3. Put the sound on mute. Your jazz quartet will be performing all the music and sound effects the Judge should need. [30 points]' WHERE item_id=184;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A Marian apparition on a car windshield, composed of bug splatters. [Trinity+1 points]' WHERE item_id=185;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Social life is hard at the U-.2667em .5exo-.125em.4exf-.125em C. It\'s difficult to demonstrate your evolutionary fitness, even if your body structure shows you are clearly able to produce scores of offspring. However, now is that time when the Northern American Scavvy goes into heat. We Judges will be waiting in the bushes with binoculars as your plumage-bedecked hopefuls spray their pheromones, prepare a nesting ground, and perform a mating dance that would make Jack Hanna proud. [8 points]' WHERE item_id=186;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Utilize Rabelais\'s favorite choice of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches for its intended purpose. [12 points, but only if you feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure]' WHERE item_id=187;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='For the Emperor!  A small-scale recreation of Perlia\'s tribute to Ciaphas Cain, Hero of the Imperium!  [35 points]' WHERE item_id=188;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A paperclip menagerie. [2 points per animal, 10 animals max' WHERE item_id=189;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Falsely shout \"THEATRE! \" in a firehouse. [2 points]' WHERE item_id=190;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='If you wanted the Judges to like it, you shoulda put a ring on it. During the judging of this page, a single Scavvy should be flashing the following rings: Class, Championship, Signet, Purity, Archery Thumb, Mood, One (to rule them all, of course), Green Lantern, -Pop.5exTM, and one containing the largest precious gem you can find. That\'s ten, so don\'t go all \"The Mandarin\" on us. [1 point each, 5 bonus points for all ten' WHERE item_id=191;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Darn. With Scav going on, you forgot to do your reading for class. You\'re really screwed if the professor calls on you. Good thing you showed up in your ghillie suit. [18 points]' WHERE item_id=192;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='As you approach Centralia from Ashland, PA, continue on past the burnt-out building on your left. After the burnt-out building, look for Our Lady of the Wastes. You\'re very close now. Can you smell it?  Soon after the Madonna you\'ll see a clearing on your left. A plea to Governor Rendell has been posted there. Along the north edge of the clearing is a dirt road; turn up it. Go slowly. At the top of the hill, turn on your high beams and tilt your vehicle to the slope on your right. This is a land forsaken by God. This is Centralia. Film or photograph one of your team members as they clamber over the mounds of shale and feel the cursed earth-it should be clear this is no ordinary field. Then bring us back a piece of Hell. [30 points' WHERE item_id=193;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='World\'s Largest Hamburgers!  The Boo Crew chows down on a Pub Challenger at Denny\'s Beer Barrel Pub. [15 points]' WHERE item_id=194;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A pair of SuperCrocs worn by a (tasteless) paleontologist. [10 points]' WHERE item_id=195;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Dreams in jars and the proper implement for administering them. Bring three: a good dream, a wet dream, and a trogglehumper. [9 points' WHERE item_id=196;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='My days are all eventful. I have lots of discipline. I have no shame. What I really need is a Complicated Diary.5exTM. Bring me three pages, including one that you\'ve used to reflect on a single day of the Hunt. [5 points]' WHERE item_id=197;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='That is highly illegal. Wait, it\'s not?  Find something that can be legally purchased in Chicago, yet is so patently contrary to the general welfare as to shock the conscience of a Judge. Proof of purchase required. [15 points]' WHERE item_id=198;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Sunshine-flavored lollipops. [3 points' WHERE item_id=199;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='By the banks of the Allegheny, a Transformer stands guard over downtown Pittsburgh. The Accidental Mummy wonders, \"Where did the trucks go? \" [4 points]' WHERE item_id=200;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Keynes and Hayek may have partied at the Fed, but unfortunately today they\'re both dead. Stevens and Scalia, though, still battle in the Court-honor their rivalry with a rap of supreme report. [12 points]' WHERE item_id=201;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Orthodocs. Paradocs. Metaphysicians. [6 points]' WHERE item_id=202;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='If ScavHunt had been started in 1962, this would be our 48.5exth anniversary!  What was it like for our pre-Scav forebears?  Bring me the Hyde Park Herald from what would have been the first Judgment Sunday. [6.2 points' WHERE item_id=203;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='The genre of portraiture is an exploration of the exquisite interplay between Being and Nonbeing, showing and hiding. Indeed, it is through the selective inclusion of those flattering elements and exclusion of the inconvenient or grotesque that the ideal Self is represented, though the viewer is left to wonder about what, precisely, has been omitted. A rich conundrum, no doubt, but far too subtle for me. I prefer sculpture in the round, where I can be sure that nothing hides just outside the boundary of the canvas. Pick a portrait in Hutch and create a corresponding sculptural representation that leaves no horrible detail to the imagination, but still concords with the original portrait\'s depiction. [36 points]' WHERE item_id=204;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='In the Romanian classroom of the Cathedral of Learning, what are thirteen dudes giving the big J.C.?  (Hint: it\'s not an erection) [5 points]' WHERE item_id=205;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A haiku, written on an upside-down calculator screen. I will read it in English, but I want you to recite it in numerical form with the staid expressiveness befitting your noble verse. [11 points]' WHERE item_id=206;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Et Endorello Chicagonna ut?lien. M?ran coimas; ananta ut?vien i masta Keebler-Eldaron. ? car? masta nin ya nauva yanw? nosselmain. [13 points]' WHERE item_id=207;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='The best crayon carving we\'ve ever laid our cerulean eyes on. [7 points]' WHERE item_id=208;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='The Macabre Mob rides the bitchin\'est animals on the Carousel in Pittsburgh\'s Schenley Plaza Vincent Price rides the Triceratops. [6 points]' WHERE item_id=209;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Zimmer is just no fun. Remind the Judges how good it was to have a prez who would play along by throwing a snowball at Don Michael Randel. Again. [20 points]' WHERE item_id=210;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Oll raigth!  We\'re sure our theme song is written in English, but maybe we\'re just having trouble with the accent. We figure your Scavenbrains are up to the transliteration challenge, so give the original music video English subtitles. [7 pOK! OK! OK! OK! oints]' WHERE item_id=211;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A fully working padlock, demonstrably openable, to be delivered to the Judges at 3 pm on Thursday in the Reynolds Club South Lounge. [6 points]' WHERE item_id=212;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Perform a bel canto rendition of \"Inside the Particle Storm\" by Dark Tranquillity. Then perform a death metal vocals rendition of \"Libiamo ne\' lieti calici\" by Giuseppe Verdi. [12 points, 5 bonus points if the same vocalist performs both songs]' WHERE item_id=213;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Oh no!  One of those dastardly Judges has absconded with a jarful of your points!  At Captains\' Breakfast, the only thing that will be returned to you is the jar from which they were stolen. Only if you correctly determine, with sufficient evidence, which of the Judges stole your team\'s points will the guilty Judge return your points to you intact. [25 points]' WHERE item_id=214;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Deliver a message to the Judges stating just how much you love them using a computer program compiled from fewer than 100 lines of obfuscated FORTRAN. Blank source code will be awarded with blank points. [ points' WHERE item_id=215;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Jeff Smith\'s Bone illustrated deck of cards. Dave Sim\'s Cerebus illustrated Diamondback deck. Sergio Aragones\'s Groo the Wanderer card game. Stan Sakai\'s Usagi Yojimbo RPG. Vintage only. [24, 21, 18, and 15 points]' WHERE item_id=216;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Put the Kindle.5exTM back in kindling. It doesn\'t need to be completely gutted and ruined by fire, but we do want to see your Kindle.5exTM cheerfully ablaze. [19 points' WHERE item_id=217;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Everyone knows the one about the Higgs boson and the clown walking into the bar, but when was the last time you heard a really good HIPS joke1 ?  Compile department-specific jokes from as many different academic departments as you can. Faculty should tell jokes about their own departments and they should be recorded on video so we can all enjoy them. [4 points per department' WHERE item_id=218;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Bring documents proving that the notorious Prawo Jazdy is one of your team?s members. [5 points, 15 bonus points if your Mr. or Ms. Jazdy also produces a traffic ticket made out in his or her name]' WHERE item_id=219;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Pop a balloon inside another balloon. Both balloons must have taut surfaces. Do not violate the topological integrity of the outer balloon. [18 points' WHERE item_id=220;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A dress tailored to fit the University of Chicago\'s 1971 homecoming queen, to be modeled by her or a close relative at Judgment. [11 points]' WHERE item_id=221;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Construct a functioning solid-state transistor from scratch. Shockley, Bardeen, and Brattain did it and got a Nobel Prize. If you do it, you\'ll get the next best thing. [38 points]' WHERE item_id=222;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Scavenger Hunt-Themed Scrabble.5exTM tableau: Use exactly one complete set of Scrabble.5exTM tiles to compose a single-sentence ode to your team\'s magnificence. [10 points]' WHERE item_id=223;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='It is said that only love could pick a nested pair of steel Bramah locks. Without love, a full two days of work was necessary. This means that you\'ll have more than enough time to safely pick any of the locks located in plain sight in front of the Reg, beginning at 4 pm on Thursday. [12 points per opened lock, belonging to another team, presented at Judgment]' WHERE item_id=224;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Demonstrate Action Units 2 and 29, and while you\'re at it wiggle each of your ears, one at a time. [18 points' WHERE item_id=225;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A soap bubble in the shape of a platonic solid. Bubble solution only, no wire frames. [7 points]' WHERE item_id=226;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='I\'m at the Pizza Hut. I\'m at the Taco Bell. I\'m at the combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell. You\'re at the Pizza Hut?  You\'re at the Taco Bell?  You\'re at the combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell?  Be at the Pizza Hut. Be at the Taco Bell. Be at the combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell. There is a Pizza Hut, there is a Taco Bell, but there is no combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell!  Be at a Pizza Hut. Be at a Taco Bell. Be there at combination Thursday night and eleven o\'clock. [l points]' WHERE item_id=227;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Spurned by the Triceratops and desperate for tail, Vincent Price tenderly caresses the languid sack of Diplodocus carnegii. \"Oh, Dippy! \" [3 points]' WHERE item_id=228;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A genuine box of Krusty O\'s cereal, purchased at a real Kwik-E-Mart. [9 points]' WHERE item_id=229;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Man, the course catalog makes some classes sound so boring-but after seeing the theatrical trailer for one, I totally want to take it!  Pick a seemingly boring class and make a video trailer of no more than three minutes. [16 points' WHERE item_id=230;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A ship in a bottle. Must be Imperial class or better. [19 BBY points]' WHERE item_id=231;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Who knew Nissin.5exTM made so many types of Cup Noodles?  [1 point per unopened Cup Noodles flavor, 3 points for each flavor no other team has' WHERE item_id=232;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Get the toothpaste back in the tube!  We\'ll supply an emptied tube of toothpaste at the Captains\' Phantasmagoria, along with its former contents. We\'d like it back in mint (ha! ) condition at Dinner on Saturday. [10p points, where p is the percentage of the original toothpaste you get into the tube]' WHERE item_id=233;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='An authentic Beatles album cover featuring at least three dead babies. [12 points]' WHERE item_id=234;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Outside the U.S. Steel Edgar Thomson Plant, Gate #2, the Phantasmal Four come across the headstone of American Industry. When did it die?  Skeletor gazes at the roller coasters in the distance and reflects that everything goes downhill eventually. [8 points]' WHERE item_id=235;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Which nonresidential campus building has an elevator with the most out-of-date inspection certificate?  Bring proof. [5 points]' WHERE item_id=236;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='There\'s only one name for the member of your team playing \"Can\'t Touch This\" on that trapezoidal string instrument: M.C. Hammer Dulcimer. [16 points]' WHERE item_id=237;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A scale model of the soon-to-be Bibliodome, the crown jewel of the U-.2667em .5exo-.125em.4exf-.125em C Library System. Make sure to include the vast and sparkling dome, the spacious reading room, and the deep underground cavern housing every book created by Man and the occult tomes no human can read without going mad. The troll tunnels and mole-men caves are a must, and while you\'re at it, include a hand-cranked model of the robotic book-fetching arm and any other details you see fit. But there\'s no need to electrify the metal frame-we want this model to be perfectly bird-friendly. [57 points]' WHERE item_id=238;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='James Cameron\'s Avatar in thrilling 1-D!  (Make a video of no more than 2 minutes) [7 points]' WHERE item_id=239;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='You can\'t buy a six-pack at the liquor store in Pittsburgh\'s Squirrel Hill, but you can buy a six-pack of Smiley-Face cookies across the street. [6 points]' WHERE item_id=240;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A ticket from the 50.5exth annual U-.2667em .5exo-.125em.4exf-.125em C Folk Festival. A ticket from the 1.5exst annual U-.2667em .5exo-.125em.4exf-.125em C Folk Festival. [1 point for the 50.5exth, 50 points for the 1.5exst]' WHERE item_id=241;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Play \"Lean on Me\" on that crutch you turned into a flute. Play \"Smell Yo Dick\" on that hot dog you turned into a flute. [15 points]' WHERE item_id=242;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Add, remove, or change a single letter in any item on this year\'s List and complete the newly created item. (Note: the original item remains unaffected by this.) [5 points' WHERE item_id=243;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='The Judges are a jaded, cynical bunch, with no joy or magic left in their lives. Change that by performing a magic trick at Judgment that completely fools a Judge. Make it good; he\'s a clever fellow. [4 points]' WHERE item_id=244;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='4a3l3n3p2e2ibcdgkorsuw [7 points' WHERE item_id=245;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Disney Princess Pageant. Contestants will be judged in four events: evening gown, talent, Q&A, and caber toss. The Prince of Charm will arrive eagerly at the Third Floor Theater of Ida Noyes at 2:00 pm on Friday to meet your Princesses. [y points' WHERE item_id=246;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='The Mondale Family Cookbook, courtesy of the 1984 Mondale for President Committee. [13 electoral points]' WHERE item_id=247;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Driving back through Ohio, the Boo Crew discovers the true Hero of Canton: William McKinley. Sing the appropriate ballad, with updated lyrics that reflect his rich life story. [12 points' WHERE item_id=248;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Swiss-Islamic tower genitals that copulate with the people of Switzerland. [<=8 points]' WHERE item_id=249;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description=' Before submitting item ...give it a ponder. [5 points]' WHERE item_id=250;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Who cares if Lil\' Wayne and T.I.\'s kids have a tween girl group?  Are they children of U-.2667em .5exo-.125em.4exf-.125em C faculty?  We want the WTF Foucaultz!  [Young and sweet, only 17 points]' WHERE item_id=251;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A bassoonist breaking wind after eating a green onion. [2 points]' WHERE item_id=252;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Mike Royko of the Chicago Tribune may be dead, but the man he named Governor Moonbeam is running for Governor of California. Get his signature on a copy of the List, a mooncake, or a beam of wood. [18 points]' WHERE item_id=253;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='According to a display inside his mausoleum, what amazing accomplishment did William McKinley achieve over three days in 1865?  (Hint: it\'s not an erection) [2 points]' WHERE item_id=254;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='You know what would be cool?  If you could dance to the soundtrack of your life and your (wo)man-sized marionette twin followed your every move. You know what would be cooler?  If there were two of them...or three...or four. Let\'s be clear, some dude just jerking around the marionettes would be very not cool. Your movements should animate the marionettes with only the help of various ingenious mechanical contrivances, and the more sweet dance moves they can perform, the better. Also, if they made us question which of them is man and which is marionette, that\'d be scrumptious. [75 points each for the first two marionettes, 50 for the third, and 25 for the fourth] ' WHERE item_id=255;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Bag o\' Socks!  Bag o\' Rags!  Bag o\' Baby!  Find me these and an additional Bag o\'-brand bag o\' something. [2, 2, 2, and 6 points]' WHERE item_id=256;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Bring back a small sample of something edible from a garden atop a Loyola building. Enjoy the view and then GTFO before the building\'s scheduled demolition. [9 points]' WHERE item_id=257;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='An Etch-a-Sketch drawing of an Etch-a-Sketch. What\'s being drawn on that Etch-a-Sketch?  Another Etch-a-Sketch, of course!  [[[ points for x identifiable iterations]]]' WHERE item_id=258;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Will the election end on a Brown note?  Will Parliament be well hung?  Exact seat total predictions for all parties due by noon on Thursday with the total popular vote of Plaid Cymru as a tiebreaker. [ points]' WHERE item_id=259;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Andy Dufresne was known to say, \"get busy living, or get busy dying\". Outside the walls of Shawshank, Uncle Vince gets busy living. Skeletor, the Accidental Mummy, and Thriller Jackson just get busy. [7 points]' WHERE item_id=260;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Berkelium Nissan. [0.97 points]' WHERE item_id=261;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='When we visit your headquarters, be working on your night cheese. [3 points]' WHERE item_id=262;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='We really enjoyed the last half of the Old Testament tour when we visited the BibleWalk Wax Museum the Sunday before last, but we\'d like to hear about the tours we missed!  Bring us a receipt for the tour you took, as well as some highlights. [10 points, and please: no costumes]' WHERE item_id=263;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='BYOd20. As long as it looks fair we won\'t question the roll. [(2d20-21) points' WHERE item_id=264;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A werehouse. [8 points]' WHERE item_id=265;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='Our lives are led by so many exemplary figures, it\'s sometimes hard to choose which one we\'d actually like to see in the flesh. Captains never disappoint, though, so we expect to see the full crew on Thursday morning: (1) Captain Cupcake, (2) Captain Haddock, (3) Captain Solo, (4) Captain Eo, (5) Captain Planet, (6) Captain Hook, (7) Captain America, (8) Captain Ahab, (9) Captain Picard, and (10) Cap\'n Crunch.' WHERE item_id=266;
UPDATE items SET mtime=unix_timestamp(), description='A human heart, ex vivo. [<30 points]' WHERE item_id=267;